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Check off which of these apply to you...

When we get afraid we are most comfortable being isolated. We have an innate fear of authority figures (police, government, judges, bosses, spouses, etc.)

We seek approval from others. We are social chameleons, changing colors to suit others. We lack a firm sense of self.

We react to criticism and are defensive. Angry people create fear and fight/flight/freeze reactions in us.

We have compulsive personalities and feel most comfortable in the company of others who have the same tendencies. We are afraid of being abandoned by people, so we seek out those who need us.

We come from victim. We attract other victims, or people who will victimize us.

We are helpers. We take care of others. We give at the expense of ourselves. We then complain that no one really cares about or takes care of us.

We feel guilty if we act healthy and set boundaries. We quickly give in to the needs and wants of others. People step across our boundaries and we let them.

We create chaos and excitement. We do this in a predictable cycle. This can be bungee jumping or romance. It does not matter what form it takes. We are addicted to drama and excitement. We crave fear and the adrenaline that goes with it.

We do not have a healthy example of what a loving relationship looks like, so we make poor choices in our partners. We look for friendships where we can ‘care take’ and offer pity and rescue.

We may have access to some feelings (lust, sadness, anger, boredom) but the range of healthy emotions eludes us. We may seem happy and care free, or grumpy and resigned, but we lack the ability to move through emotions in a healthy way. We don’t process our feelings and thoughts. We have learned to numb out and deny both our circumstances and our feelings. We are experts at denial and are many times baffled at the experience others are attempting to share with us.

Our inner critic is strict and harsh with us. No accomplishment or success satisfies this taskmaster within. Perfection is what it seeks and what constantly eludes us. Or we have given up and judge our self as lazy and a procrastinator.

The lack of healthy emotional support in our childhood left us with a sense of starvation in many areas of life. We are needy. We feel ill equipped to deal with the adult world, so we settle for people, circumstances and things that reveal our dependence and immaturity. We are terrified of being abandoned again, so we tolerate what is intolerable and somehow feel normal and comfortably uncomfortable. Or we simply tolerate the starvation.

We may exhibit compulsive behaviors or psychology, even though we are drug and alcohol free. We can take on the characteristics of an addict in socially acceptable ways and hide out for years. But there is no difference in the behavior or the results. Addiction is addiction, whether it is about love, food, shopping, cigarettes or???

We react in our lives. We are not the author of our story or experience. We are inexorably living out our dysfunctional, addictive/compulsive family traditions, doomed to repeat them even though we claim it is somehow different and new this time.